Pokemon Silver: Hard Mode - Routes 40-41
by The Hall Ninja
Summary: This is a parody of an excerpt from my Nuzlocke, targeting the Nuzlocke concept and the game itself. It begins on Olivine Beach, before entering Route 40 to travel to Cianwood City for the first time, and ends on Route 41, before I actually reach Cianwood itself. It includes intentional self-reference, melodrama, and utter annihilation of the fourth wall. Enjoy!


Pokémon Silver: Hard Mode (A Nuzlocke Challenge)

Chapter 26: Where I Learn that Hell is Not a Fiery Place At All

I stood on the shore of Olivine Beach, squinting through the harsh sunlight to examine the vast expanse of water before me.

What I saw stopped my heart and turned my blood to ice.

_Tentacools. _

_TENTACOOLS EVERYWHERE_.

…_How? How could I have forgotten about this?_

A layer of chillingly cold sweat suddenly materialized on my forehead.

Routes 40 and 41 make up a waterway, comparable in size to an ocean, or at the very least, a very large sea. They are _extremely_ _dangerous_ for three notable reasons:

_Unlike regular Pokémon trainers, Routes 40 and 41 are frequented by Swimmers. _They are no less sadistic, as they exhibit the same murderous intent, but they are also half-naked, and sometimes, very attractive. Due to their affinity for swimming and their demonic natures, they have developed a certain fondness for the poisonous Water Pokémon who live there, and like other trainers, will attack innocent bystanders on sight.

_Given that Routes 40 and 41 consist almost entirely of water and cover such a wide area, it should be expected that there is no Pokémon Center for miles. _Once one has ventured far enough into those dark depths, there is no reliable way to return to land in the event that one's Pokémon become injured, or more likely (and quite frankly, worse), poisoned. Hence, since time immemorial, these accursed Routes have served as the watery grave of many an unfortunate Pokémon.

_The waters are full of poisonous water Pokémon, namely Tentacool, and occasionally, their even eviler evolved form, Tentacruel. _Tentacool, as Pokémon go, is anything_ but _cool. As a general rule of thumb, Tentacool can be assumed to have, in its deadly arsenal, the notably sadistic move, Poison Sting, which kills its victims slowly, yet certainly, if medical action is not taken almost immediately.

_Arceus, have mercy…_

With a heavy heart, I assembled my team of Pokémon on the shore of Olivine Beach.

"Well, friends, here we are at the very edge of Hell itself. Every single battle will be a potential death sentence. Knowing this, I want to avoid violent encounters whenever possible."

With as much composure as I could muster, I met the gazes of each of my Pokémon companions. Some looked worried. Others were stoic, their expressions revealing only grim determination.

I had taken them this far. They trusted me. So, I made a silent promise to each of them, right then and there, that I would not lead them astray.

I then turned my attention solely to my starter: Louie, the Feraligatr.

"Louie," I said, my composure wavering, "you are my most powerful Pokémon and the first one I ever had. You know that I trust you to win our battles and to protect the rest of the team from harm."

As a giant, blue alligator, clocking in at a full two feet taller and over fifty pounds heavier than me, he was an imposing figure. However, as he looked down upon me, I noticed a tenderness in his expression that belied his stature and the sheer destructive force of which he was capable.

"However," I continued, "you are also my only Pokémon who can cross this water. I'm sorry, but I cannot allow you to participate in any battles until we reach Cianwood City on the opposite shore. You will need all of your strength just to make the journey. It would be asking too much, on my part, to have you fight as well. Please understand, Louie."

Louie's expression was a convoluted mixture of appreciation, defiance, and pain. While he understood the extent of the affection I felt for him, he knew that no other member of the team was nearly as powerful as he was. In this hostile environment, their survival relied upon speed and brute force. Against a Tentacool, one must strike swiftly and without mercy, lest it be given an opportunity to fire off one of its Poison Stings, spelling almost certain death for the recipient.

"You will still be instrumental in ensuring that we all get through this alive," I assured him, sensing his anguish. "You are a powerful swimmer, Louie, one of the fastest I've ever seen. We should be able to avoid most of these infernal, blue squids due to your speed alone."

Louie's mouth formed something resembling a smile, and he stared back at me hopefully. However, I could see a weariness in his eyes, and his entire body was visibly slumped. Though it pained me to see him this way, I felt that his concern was quite justified. It would take much more than mere optimism to successfully complete this journey…without any casualties.

Slowly, I turned again to regard each of my companions in turn. I clenched my teeth and clamped my eyes shut, as they welled up with tears.

_I love you all very much. I am sorry to have led you down such a perilous path. I will do everything in my power to protect you. I swear it. _

After recalling everyone but Louie into their respective Poke Balls, I climbed onto my starter's back and began to mentally prepare myself for what was to come.

_Arceus, give us strength. Protect us, as we venture forth into this dark, watery abyss… _

As I had predicted, Louie was fast enough to avoid most of the spineless spawns of Satan that dared to swim anywhere near us. Always the reliable guardian, he was taking his job very seriously. At this rate, we would reach Cianwood City in no time at all.

However, what I had not, and could not have, realistically anticipated were the unpredictable movement patterns of the _soulless_ Swimmers who relentlessly patrol these Routes.

So rapidly and erratically do they swim that it is nearly impossible to pass them undetected…

**Swimmer**** Succubus Simon wants to battle!**

_I. Hate. Everything. _

_Hmm…since Simon is a guy, it would probably be more politically correct to call him "Incubus Simon," but quite honestly, because that doesn't sound nearly as good, Succubus Simon it is!_

**Succubus Simon sent out TENTACOOL!**

_Of course_ _the sinful she-demon would summon a Tentacool…_

**Go! Mr. Miyagi!**

Anyone who knows anything about Pokémon at all knows that Abra is _the_ _most stereotypically Asian_ _Pokémon ever_: brownish skin, tiny eyes, meditative nature. _Yeah._ This is supported _even further_ by the fact that it develops an increasingly impressive _Fu Manchu_ with each evolution.

Furthermore, Abra, being of the Psychic type, has a significant advantage against Poison type Pokémon.

But wait! That is erroneous logic, one might say. The only move that Abra ever learns naturally…is Teleport, which is the sole reason that Abra is so notoriously difficult to capture, but more importantly, does _absolutely no damage_ _whatsoever_.

This is why a truly auspicious Abra trainer will teach his or her Abra _the three elemental punch moves_ (Fire, Ice, and Thunder) in order to guarantee maximum versatility and efficiency during one's Abra training process. Such an Abra compensates for its natural fragility by _packing_ _quite a punch _in battle. Tee. Hee.

**Mr. Miyagi used THUNDER PUNCH!**

**It's super-effective!**

**Enemy TENTACOOL fainted!**

_Thunder Punch is not for the faint of heart, one might say._

But, as you may recall, this is Pokémon: Hard Mode. The game is naturally programmed to tell you _convenient and comforting lies_…but that Tentacool is _dead. Very, very dead. _Electrocuted _and_ severely bruised (for good measure, of course).

**Succubus Simon sent out TENTACOOL!**

_Simon, you are a terrible human be – Oh, that's right. You're not a human being at all, are you? You're a succubus. Never mind. Carry on._

**Mr. Miyagi used FIRE PUNCH!**

**It's not very effective…**

_Wait…what? Oh, damn…_

**Enemy TENTACOOL is, unfortunately, still alive! ( Very appropriately added in-game battle text.)**

_Mr. Miyagi, my dear Asian friend…I have failed you…_

**Enemy TENTACOOL used…CONSTRICT!**

**It's neither effective nor ineffective… ( Not actual, but accurate, in-game battle text.)**

…

…

…OH THANK ARCEUS!

**Mr. Miyagi used THUNDER PUNCH!**

**It's super-effective!**

**Enemy TENTACOOL has died! ( Very appropriately corrected in-game battle text.)**

**Succubus Simon was defeated!**

_My friends, let us celebrate this small, but miraculous, victory…_

As we continued on in our journey, we saw a Swimmer Succubus _working_ _very closely _with her Tentacruel. To the ignorant, casual observer, they could have been _training_. However, I had seen enough anime to know where this was going. So, I chose to steer clear of this particular encounter.

Unfortunately, in the act of avoiding this traumatic scene, I was too distracted to avoid… 

**Swimmer**** Succubus Susie wants to battle!**

_Oh, dear Arceus, not again…_

_I honestly don't think I can handle another Tenta-_

**Succubus Susie sent out PSYDUCK!**

…_What? NOT POISONOUS?! Hnnngghhhh…_

_Arceus loves me! HE REALLY LOVES ME!_

**Succubus**** Saint Susie sent out PSYDUCK!**

"Louie, my old friend, as a wise, anthropomorphized Pokémon once said, '_I believe this is all happening for a reason_.'"


End file.
